Reflections of a Traitor
by kllrs
Summary: [One Shot] Sitting in a dark, abandoned house, a certain misunderstood someone reflects on the past. Someone who would never be forgiven, who would never be understood.


Disclaimer: All familiar characters, places and names are property of J.K Rowling, Bloomsbury, Scholastic Press, Raincoast Books and Warner Bros.

Silence...

A sound of many meanings. Happiness, Anger, Frustration, Sorrow...Regret.

I sit here, in an abandoned house, alone. My master has left to murder more. To find and collect others. To put many into despair.

It is times like these when I can reflect on myself...my past...my present...my future.

I betrayed them. I hurt them. I made them suffer. I killed them...

The Potters.

My first meeting with James Charles Potter was on the train, to my first year at Hogwarts. I had been looking for a compartment.

I was shy. I had no friends, even as a young boy. Mother had tried to make me socialize with others. She put me in scouts, daycare. But it never worked. I just didn't fit in. I didn't like them. They didn't like me.

I was anxious to make a fresh start at Hogwarts; Anxious to, but not confidant that I would. And that was when I met them: the ones who would be my friends, the ones I would hurt...the Marauders.

I came across an apartment with 3 boys my age in it. One had messy, dark hair, wore glasses. He was skinny, and he was telling something to the other two boys. One with straighter hair, just as dark as the first, and the other with sandy hair, looking amused at the same thing that the first two were convulsing over. Then, the messy haired boy noticed me. "Oh. Hi there. What do you want?" he said, choking on the words with laughter. "I-er-um...need a -um- compartment to –uh- sit in." I stuttered, nervous. "Would you like to sit with us then?" he asked me, with an easy smile. I nodded silently. And that was my encounter with James Potter, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

That very train ride brought us together. I had friends. I thought those same words to myself every night for the first month there. My friendship with those 3 boys had begun. So had the Marauders.

We went through everything together. Good times, bad times, times in between. We had all been there when James' parents had died; Sirius getting abused, then running away; Remus, being accepted as a werewolf; myself when I was thrown out of home. And through every one of those times...that familiar clink of metal, the familiar drip would sound when the other marauders found one of us in the dormitory. The sound of a blade falling, blood dripping. And we made it. Together.

We tried to help James grab the attention of Lily. We laughed at Sirius' antics when we were sad. We appreciated Remus for his help in studies. They protected me, although sometimes poking fun at me in the process. But even so, we were friends.

We all had different roles in a way. Sirius was anything but his name, making us laugh, or just stare at him because of his stupidity. Someone who would be kind and generous, but very rude and selfish as well. Remus was our study buddy, and advice giver. One with a calm demeanour, always looking at the other side of things. James was our big headed leader, as Lily put it. I admired him like a king. He was like a hero to me. Smart, athletic, popular. Everything that I wasn't. He made me sort of popular. I may not have had the hotness of Padfoot and Prongs, nor the pretty boy appeal of Remus, but girls thought I was cute. And cool. Because I was a marauder. Acceptance was gained in the Hogwarts community if you were friends with or one of us. And I was one of them. So I still got my fair share of girls, while not so much as the Potter and Black. I was only the follower. The one who gave small contributions to the brilliant pranks the other three thought of. But I knew that they appreciated it. My small suggestions had saved them of many faults in pranks. Although, I often didn't have to, since Remus was our chief in thinking of ways to pull off, create and get out of pranks and trouble.

I always knew that although us four were best friends, Sirius and James were brothers. They didn't exclude Remus or me at all, but you could fell the connection between them was much closer. Lupin didn't mind. He had his books to turn to, other people to turn to. But I felt left out, with no one as a consolation.

Then, we graduated. Lily and James got hitched. Sirius was best man, of course. Moony and I were honoured guests. They had a baby, named Harry after James' great-grandfather, and Lily's father. News came by that Voldemort was after the. They made me Secret Keeper. Sirius was too obvious. Remus had too many burdens already. And so I accepted. I felt wanted. Special.

I met him. You-Know-Who. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Voldemort. I didn't want to tell him. But I was a coward. The Sorting Hat had taken 10 minutes to put me in Gryffindor. I was afraid of pain, of death. I cowered, I blundered, I stuttered.

And I told.

I gave in to him. His power. His evil. I was fearful. I knew that Remus, nor Sirius would've done that. I knew James would've never done that to me. But I wasn't close enough to them. Close, but nowhere close to that brotherly bond. He threatened to hurt me. Make me a slave. Torture me. I was always terrified. I was strong, but I didn't have the same strength as the others, physically, mentally, and emotionally. They were always better at me. I tried, but I was always last.

James was always first. James was the one who brought everyone together. I was a traitor to the one who accepted me, the one who invited me into that compartment, and some of the best years of my life.

I tried, and I failed.

I, Wormtail of the Marauders, was now Wormtail of Voldemort.

I turned evil. He taught me power. Dumbledore was an idiot, to think that there was such thing as good or evil. He taught me that he was the only lord, only king, only ruler. And I believe.

But only when he is here. I know when he reads my mind. I think dark, evil thoughts to please him. But I know how to fool him, him and his legilimency. Inside, I am a guilty coward, feeling despair when I see Harry, so like his father, so like his mother.

However, as each day passes, my guilt fades, no matter how hard I try to bring it back, and evil, want of destruction and doom replaces it. Master is slowly bringing me over, taking over me. But no matter how much I really begin to believe him... I am still a coward.

I am Wormtail.

I am hated amongst many.

I am a former Marauder.

I am a follower of Voldemort.

I, Peter Pettigrew, am a traitor.


End file.
